Recognizing infidelity & getting the most out of your investigation

In recent months spousal infidelity has been a popular topic in the media. Sandra Bullock is just the latest celebrity, among many, who has felt the pain caused when a loved one does not act in accordance to the expectations of a relationship. Discovery Health Channel is about to air a series on the topic starting on April 4, 2010 on the topic (9:00 pm ET/PT), followed by the network premiere of The Secret Life of Tiger Woods: A Dateline Special (10:00 pm ET/PT).
There are already several helpful blogs and news articles that can help you learn how to detect if your spouse or partner is cheating on you. One of the most thorough articles detailing helpful hints and signs is Cathy Meyer’s article on About.com:

• “Top 9 Signs Your Spouse is Cheating”

To summarize, here is what you ought to be looking for:

• Statements like, “We are just friends” (when referring to another woman or man) or “I need some space to figure out my feelings”
• A sudden need for privacy.
• Regular work habits suddenly change.
• Spending a large amount of time on the computer or internet.
• Secretive phone calls or changes in habits of where he or she leaves the phone.
• Behavior that just doesn’t add up. Here is a list of these behaviors.
• Your own fears and suspicions. As they say, “Trust your intuition.”

But what can you do once you’re convinced or have the intuition that your loved one is floundering? Hiring a private investigator can be a great investment, both personally and financially. Here’s the deal: even in no-fault states that do not weigh infidelity into alimony or child support awards, it is unlikely that a judge would be unbiased by the emotional toll infidelity has caused to another. The benefits can come in various minor decisions that have major outcomes.

In states, such as Georgia, where infidelity does matter, the value of a surveillance conducted by a private investigator can yield financial gain for the offended party. Personally, you always gain when you have important information that can clear your conscious, prove you’ve been “right all along,” and help you make a decision regarding whether to stay in a relationship and seek counseling, or move on to better things.

Regardless of what you may want to obtain from an investigation into your spouse’s or partner’s infidelity, here are some practical things you can do before hiring an investigator, which will both increase the outcome of success of the investigation and decrease some of the overall costs incurred.

• Obtain phone numbers and other potential evidence: Whenever your spouse/partner finishes what appears like a “secretive” or abnormal call, try to obtain the number of the person with whom he or she has been speaking. This is legal, so long as you don’t break any passwords. The number can be helpful to the investigator in identifying who the potential romantic other is. This allows the investigator to place either subject under surveillance–doubling the chance of success. Other documents can be obtained in similar ways. In order to make sure you do things legally and avoid hindering an investigation, make sure to consult with your private investigator.
• Establish a pattern: Start keeping records. Usually there will be tells that give away the fact that your spouse/partner is about to “go out” with his or her beau or paramour. If you are able to see the clues, you can schedule a surveillance at a time that is most likely going to yield results, saving you money.
• Don’t change your own behavior. One thing that frequently hinders a private investigations into infidelity is the client begins acting strangely, giving away clues that she or he is starting to figure things out. This often will “cool off” the infidelity and increase the length and expenses incurred. It is difficult, but you must keep the investigation a secret and do what your professional, experienced investigator recommends.
• Don’t do an investigation on your own, unless instructed as the above examples explain.People sometimes attempt to do some parts of the investigative work, such as surveillance, on their own. This is not recommended for a variety of reasons. First, it can appear to a judge as stalking. By hiring an objective observer and trained professional, laws will not be violated and your evidence will be much stronger. Additionally, by doing investigative work on your own, especially before or during an investigation, you increase the chance of undermining the work of the investigator. This will increase the overall costs of an investigation. In other words, it is better financial sense to consult a professional before making any decision regarding how you should proceed. Most investigators offer free initial consultations. Finally, and most importantly, should you catch your spouse or partner with another, this increases the chances of potential violent confrontation. Most people just don’t realize how they’ll react to seeing these things. If you confront your spouse or partner in these ways, you’ll give him or her several legal options they simply didn’t have before. On that note, most professional investigators are actually very critical of shows like Cheatersand Sex Decoys. They will never ask you to confront your spouse as these shows do.

If you have additional questions regarding the content of this posting or feel you’d like to speak with someone regarding a potential cheating spouse/partner, please feel free to call me personally 214.914.0801.